Random thoughts from a random mind

I don't suffer from randomness… I, obviously, quite enjoy it!!

I don’t want sympathy but please believe me when I tell you…

on June 14, 2012

It doesn’t matter how many times I say things or whatever I say, there are some people who look at me as if to say, “Yeah right!” It’s almost as if they don’t believe me.

Now I know what I’m like, I do tend to joke around a bit at times so it must be difficult for my friends to know when I’m being serious or just having a laugh. The problem is, (no ‘problem’ may not be the right word for it but it will do for now,) when I am being serious I really want my friends to understand. I want them to say things like,

“It’s OK Chris, we understand what it must’ve been like for you, or even, I cannot begin to understand how you were feeling, but I’ll try.”

I suppose it all depends on how I’m feeling when I want them to say these things. Some days I might not want them to be able to understand or not. Oh, I don’t know. There are times when just listening to me is enough.

Well the reason I say this is because, (I’m not going to bore you with my upbringing too much,) when I was a child there were certain things I didn’t have. Most days we didn’t eat apart from the free school dinners. Weekends and holidays were horrendous due to lack of  food. We didn’t have proper cups to drink out of, just jam jars, we didn’t have pillows or blankets and  4 of us girls shared the same bed with only enough room to lay on our sides all night . One day I will write my memoirs, (I have started) and I will go into more detail. 

My lovely, lovely friends (and I’m not being sarcastic here because that’s another thing people get wrong about me, I mean they are lovely) tend to laugh as if I’ve told them one of my best jokes. (I don’t have many, to be honest. Just check out my, Fancy a quickie? posts.) Then I have to say, “No, really. That was how I was brought up.”

They just laugh and say things like, “I suppose you didn’t have any curtains at your windows either, Chris.”

Well, the fact of the matter is we didn’t have curtains, in fact, we didn’t have many windows either.

As a child I knew no different. I thought everyone went through the same neglect as I did but obviously they didn’t. Of course there were families like mine, too, living in the same area but their flats seemed to be better equipped somehow. My childhood friends were also loved by their parents.

What I’m trying to say is, I’m just stating some facts when I say these things. I’m not trying to be funny. (I know, that’s a first.) 

I know there are people who have suffered a lot more than I have. Some people are still suffering so I’m not trying to complain. At least that part of my life is only a distant memory now. I just need to remind myself occasionally.

To be honest, after all I’ve experienced, I don’t think it has affected me that much really. (Not that you’d notice. Ha.) 

Having those experiences has made me a stronger person and I hope a better one too. Please believe me…